bradengraeber:

Gin and Tonic

Vodka Tonic

Whiskey Sour

Whiskey and Soda

Whiskey and NyQuil 

Vodka and NyQuil

Gin and NyQuil

Tequila and NyQuil

Box Wine and NyQuil

NyQuil and NyQuil

Greys Anatomy Marathon and NyQuil

Reorganizing your iTunes and NyQuil

Facebook-stalking an ex and NyQuil

Crying and NyQuil

NyQuil Overdose and NyQuil

Ambulance Ride and NyQuil

Stomach Pumping and NyQuil

Hospital Food and NyQuil

Happy New Year. Don’t be stupid and die, I don’t want to lose any followers. 

“It was this other side of Avery - the fact that he so visibly had an other side - that was helping me finally understand all three of the dimensions in Kafka: that a man could be a sweet, sympathetic, comically needy victim and a lascivious, self-aggrandizing, grudge-bearing bore, and also, crucially, a third thing: a flickering consciousness, a simultaneity of culpable urge and poignant self-reproach, a person in process.” 

- Jonathan Franzen

“Inside each and every word there is an emotion, a thought, that produced the word and justifies its being there. Empty words are like nutshells without the meat, concepts without content; they are no use, indeed they are harmful”

- Constantin Stanislavski

You get a strange feeling when you’re about to leave a place. Like you’ll not only miss the people you love but you’ll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you’ll never be this way ever again.

- Brandy Alexander

[Right before] One of the most famous pictures ever taken.

Radiohead was the smartest collection of musicians I’ve ever interviewed, and I have no idea who I would rank second. I do know that it wouldn’t be that close. The dumbest guy in Radiohead is still smarter (by himself) than all three members of the Beastie Boys and two-fifths of the Strokes. 

- Chuck Klosterman 

Haute couture and getting hauter.

Operator: Hello. Awkward and Lonely in Public Hotline, Debbie speaking. 

Dave: Hey there.

Operator: Are you at a public place or at a social gathering and feeling awkward or lonely right now?

Dave: Yeah.

Operator: All right, if you’re at a party say, “Totally.” If you’re just out alone somewhere in public say, “Totally, bro.” 

Dave: Totally.

Operator: Okay Dave, I’m going to talk you through this party. If you’re ready just say “All right,” but let it ring like you’re responding to some really good news. 

Dave: All riiiigggghhhttt.

Operator: Good job. Now just nod and smile for 6,5,4,3,2 and now say “She called me twice today.”

Dave: Dude, she called me twice today.

Operator: Great. Nice touch with the “Dude.” Now go ahead and laugh a little bit for me. 

Dave: Ha ha ha ha.

Operator: Hmm that sounded a little forced. Let’s see if we can get you to laugh more genuinely. While I’m looking for something go ahead and look at your watch and maybe do a light kicking thing with your foot.

Dave: ….

Operator: Okay, let’s get that genuine laugh. We want people to see you’re having a good time. All right here it goes: Dave, what is an STD that mountain guides commonly get? 

Dave: ….

Operator: Sherpes.

Dave: Hahahahahahahahahahahha

Operator: There we go.

Dave: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Operator: Okay, Dave, you’re uh… laughing a little too much now. Try to calm down the laugh or you’re going to look even more awkward then when we started. 

Dave: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Operator: Dave…..

Dave: HAHEHEHEHAHAHAHEHEHEHE

Operator: Okay. Oh boy. I see in your file you tend to laugh as a nervous response. Let me see if I can calm you down…. Umm alright… Here we go: I want you to go ahead and think about how you couldn’t satisfy Nadia and that led her to cheat on you with Tim. 

Dave: ……..

Operator: Sorry I had to do that.

Dave: …………

Operator: Dave?

Dave: ……

Operator: Okay well we are approaching the end of the call. For a party situation we recommend the call to be about this length - any longer you will just end up looking lonelier. If you’re comfortable returning to the party say, “Okay. Later buddy.”

Dave: No.

Operator: Dave. You have to get off of the phone now.

Dave: Dude, she called me twice today!

Operator: You’re repeating yourself Dave. Stop panicking. Take a deep breath. You will be just fine. We have to end this call sooo… 

Dave: Hey there! Hey there!

Operator: Dave put down the phone. I repeat, put down the phone and get out of there. You need to just leave that party immediately. Okay. Hold out your phone like there is something wrong with it. Do not say hey there again.

Dave: ….

Operator: Dave?

Dave: All riiiigggghhtttt.